How to Propose

It is the question we are asked most often, and tradition alone no longer provides the answer. Both approaches are practised, and neither is more romantic than the other.

For bespoke creations, the second and third options are the ones we see most often. The reason is simple: an engagement ring is worn for a lifetime, and the pleasure of designing it together is often worth more than the element of surprise. Our page bespoke creation describes how a project unfolds, from the stone to the finished piece of jewellery.

If you choose to arrive with the ring, here are two guidelines to avoid getting it wrong. The first: the stone before the setting. It is what one looks at, and it is what carries the budget. The second: a coloured stone is more forgiving than a diamond. It signals a personal choice rather than a standard, and offers considerably greater volume for the same budget.

For inspiration: our sapphire engagement rings — including teal sapphires, the most sought-after shade of the moment —, our diamond rings for tradition, and our tourmaline rings for going off the beaten track. Our creations show what others have chosen.

This is the number one obstacle in any surprise proposal. Four methods, from the most reliable to the most hazardous:

• Borrow a ring she already wears on her ring finger — one evening is enough — and have it measured by a jeweller. This is the only truly reliable method. Note: a ring worn on another finger will not give the correct size.
• Ask a close friend or her mother. They often know, and they are better at keeping a secret than one might think.
• Measure the inside diameter of an existing ring with a ruler: the finger circumference in millimetres is approximately the diameter × 3.14. Approximate, but better than nothing.
• Compare with the finger of someone close to her with a similar build. The riskiest method, to be used only as a last resort.

There is no universally right moment — only moments that make sense for you. The most common:

• The anniversary of your first meeting, or another date that belongs only to the two of you. It is the most frequently mentioned choice, and the hardest to make unexpected.
• During a holiday or weekend away, far from everyday life — the setting helps, and you have time ahead of you.
• After a happy event : a professional success, a move, good news. The momentum is already there.
• A festive period — Christmas, Valentine’s Day, a birthday. Warm, but highly anticipated: the surprise suffers.
• A perfectly ordinary day. That is when the effect is strongest, because nothing had announced it.

One timing point not to overlook: a bespoke creation takes several weeks, between selecting the stone, the design and the workshop. If your date is set, get ahead of us.

Originality almost never lies in the place itself. It lies in what the place means to the two of you: the spot of your first date is better than a palace where you have no memories.

That said, certain settings lend themselves to the moment: the water’s edge, a bridge, a boat, a beach at a quiet hour, a mountain chalet, a park at dawn, a night train. And certain stagings work very well: slip the proposal into a book currently being read, into a bouquet, into an object placed along a walking route.

Down on one knee remains the expected gesture, and it works — provided it suits your relationship. Some people dream of it; others would feel embarrassed. You know which kind of person you have in front of you.

The words matter more than the staging. No speech is needed: three sentences are enough, spoken while looking at each other. What moves her is the specific — a precise memory, something she does that you love, what you want to build together. General phrases, on the other hand, are forgotten within the hour.

The finger. In France, the ring is worn on the left ring finger. This is not universal: in Germany, Poland, Russia, Spain or Greece, it is the right ring finger. If you are proposing abroad or in a binational couple, our guide which finger to wear an engagement ring on covers the question in full.

The photograph. If it matters to you, ask someone to take it discreetly, from a distance. A phone set up on a tripod frames poorly and is noticeable. But do not let the photograph dictate the moment: it is the most common pitfall of planned proposals.

Four things no one thinks about in the moment, and which all happen within the week:

• The announcement. Plan who you will call first — families rarely appreciate finding out through social media.
• Resizing. If the ring is loose or tight, this is a common workshop procedure. Have it done quickly: a ring that is too large can be lost.
• Insurance. A valuable ring must be declared to your insurer, along with the invoice and the stone certificate. It takes ten minutes and prevents a disaster.
• The wedding band. It will sit beside the engagement ring, and the two must fit together. It is easier to plan for this early on — see our guide which hand to wear your wedding band on and where to wear your engagement ring after marriage.

And to end with what matters most: ring, place, words — every detail deserves thought — but it is sincerity that makes the proposal. How you phrase it will matter far less than the fact that it is truly you speaking.